In quest for normalcy

What I write in my blog today is of great importance to me. Ill/hot/bad/short tempered is what I have been all week long. Chinna thatha had come down from Madras to my place. I know for a fact that he’s an old man. I also know frm experience that old people get lonely and depressed more. They long for company and an amicable atmosphere. Above all the only thing they ask for is a small minute fragment of your time and for you to listen to them patiently. Having known all this I behaved rather despicably! I ve been like a grizzly bear. I got irritated every time he asked me a question. I didn’t want to stop and answer. I sat in my room and sulked all week long. I walked out when he was telling me his travel story –yet another time. I haven’t been spending enough time with mom, dad, grand ma and pa. I think the root cause for all this goes a month back! I know exactly what the reason is. My altruistic streak…! Hell, who am I kiddin – My “cant mind my own business” streak! Got consumed by someone else’s problem so much that I started thinking of it as my own. I have to start putting things in the right perspective again. Re-organise my state of affairs and move on. Moving on is the key. Occupying my mind with something worthwhile is a challenge. I have wasted four precious years cribbing about the fact that what I was doing wasn’t exactly what I wanted to do! Don’t want to prolong that state of agony. Living in the past or in the unknown future hasn’t helped me one bit. I have always been in a hurry. There’s been this strange restlessness to move on. But I have no clue for what! I ve been planning and planning relentlessly. I have planned how my day should go, what time I should wake up, what I should, how I should do it etc etc. The planning was impressive alright! But sadly, nothing materialized into action. Not one thing. There was always an obstacle. Distance, laziness and internals. Its funny that I must include internals… cause I cant remember the last time I sincerely studied for one. But it was a big impediment –gnawing pain in my head – a reason for not doing what I wanted to do.


I remember reading this mail long time back – about six years back I think. The mail talked about how careful when we deal with strangers. We always greet them with a good morning, make small talk, answer their rather obvious questions, be courteous and put on that smile for them. But when we come back home we are so flippant with our loving family. Gone are those impeccable manners, gone are those wishes, a perpetual frown adorns our face and we get irritated when they ask mundane questions about how the day went etc etc. Why do we do that? After all they matter more to us than those strangers do. Yet, we go out of our way to please them and don’t even bother to acknowledge the fact that we have hurt them. I plan to set a few things right during the course of this week and bring back a semblance of peace into my otherwise restless life!

Cheers have a nice day